Snotorious B.I.G., Snomaggedon 2010

I am sure I am not the only one who had travel issues last week.

You would think as much as I travel I would develop some type of travel karma. I truly believe there are what I like to call The Travel Gods. It seems everytime I roll off a project, the Travel Gods seem to smite me with the worst travel luck imaginable.

Wednesday was one of those days. So it snowed last weekend trapping people, then it snows again on Wednesday effectively shutting down the Northeast Clusterfuck... err I mean Corridor. My flight was scheduled for Thursday evening at 5pm out of ALB to LGA to ILM. Wednesday evening I get back to the hotel after a nice dinner with colleagues. Out of curiosity, I check my flight status, Cancelled. FUCK.

I hop on the cell and call the USAIR Preferred line to talk to a stressed out gentleman who had obviously been talking to angry travellers all day. Now I have never understood people who yell at gate agents when they are stuck. That person did not delay your flight, what's the point in getting angry and upsetting them? I have always found they will put in a little extra effort if you are pleasant and polite. Bees with honey and all that...

I inquire about the flight being cancelled 24 hours ahead of time, he explains its the back to back storms, I say is it possible to route me through Charlotte. He says the flight is oversold by 10... fat chance. After some muttering, he comes back with " blah blah blah Sunday evening." That's all I heard, SUNDAY. WTF? "Did I hear you right Sunday?!? It's Wednesday night??!!" I mutter something like book it, meanwhile my mind is running 1000 mph, there's no fucking way I am spending the next 4 days hanging around in ALBANY of all godforsake places!

I call the dear sainted wife and inform her of my predicament only to be met with laughter. She knows my karma, it's the worst. All you can do is laugh because it is that ridiculous.

I had a rental car, Hertz wasn't getting it back in Albany, this motherfucker was going back with me to ILM... tomorrow. I call Hertz and inform of this and they return with $400. Bastards.

Long story short, clear roads, blues skies, 13.5 hours later, 1 speeding ticket in Virginia, I roll into my driveway crippled and close to hallucinating, but home at last.

Dear aimlessly wandering tourist,

Yes that was a 100% authentic Samsonite roller bag that gave you a body check when I was in a hurry to make my connection whilst you were wandering aimlessly on the magical moving sidewalk.

There is a sign every 30 feet that simply states STAND RIGHT, WALK LEFT. Let me explain this mind blowing idea of how the moving sidewalk works. If you are STANDING and generally being a fucking nusiance, stand on the RIGHT of the magical moving sidewalk. DO NOT stand or text or talk on your cell on the LEFT of the moving sidewalk. I have 10 minuets to get from E terminal to B terminal. If you are in my way, I will run over you and give you a taste of my well travelled rollerbag.

DO NOT tell me to "WATCH IT!", because I will turn around and flip you the bird just like I did Monday. This is my domain biatch, you are a guest, behave accordingly.